she says imperfectly

9:19AM - ramblings.

my paper journal consisted of 11 pages last night.
obviously...shit's on my mind.
it came to my attention that perhaps i come across ungrateful for the things i have in life. i dont mean to. yes, at times i think i feel sorry for myself. but then....most people do.
maybe i dont live up to how strong or good people thought i should be.
anywho
here are excerts from my paper diary

do you realise/that you have/the most beautiful face/do you realise/that everyone you know/someday will die/and instead of saying all of our goodbyes/let them know you realise that life goes fast/its hard to make the good things last/you realise the sun don't go down/its just an illusion caused by the world spinnin' round
--flaming lips

i love that song. flaming lips...rock. those lyrics rock.

a list of things i am thankful for
1)my momma. hardworking, loving, giving momma. our talks. how she can be honest with me. that we're friends.
2)my daddy. supportive, loving, generous, incredible daddy. how he does anything in his power to make us happy. how much he loves me. our comfortable talks.
3)robert. crazy, interesting, makes me smile robert. how he gives me random hugs when i dont expect them. our inside jokes. our bond -though at times strained-never broken.
4)paris. insane paris. with beauty beyond comprehension.
5)gab. giving, loving, understanding gab. much like my father in his support and innate need to make me happy and safe. our comfort. the fact that we have no drama. his love. his hugs.
6)the apartment in ottawa. a home. my home. colourful and well equipped : D
7)hershel and lily. make me crazy sometimes. but like my kiddies.
8)andrea. comfortable, funny, exciting andrea. who fills a void in my life that can be filled by no other. my pot smoking buddy. that perfect chemsitry when we are in our stoned element.
9)siobhan. brings me down to earth, motivating, hilarious siobhan. watching stupid reality shows with me that no one else gets why. full day grocery shopping adventures. putting up with my messy ways.
10)jenna. random crazy party girl jenna. MSN talks that make my day. friendship exceeding a decade. always up for a laugh and a drink. makes me smile.
11)meara. meara who knows that sometimes all i need to do is sit and have a smoke, together. who sees talent within me, and shows belief in me. which does more for me then i can say.
12)fred. non stop talking, up for anything fred. adventure drives in his car. always tries to make me laugh when i dont want to.
13)school. sort of. grateful to be getting an education no matter how much i kick and scream about it. finding and refining my true career wants and goals.
14)professor graham. for believing in me. for helping me believe in myself. for making saturday morning classes more then bareable.
15)travel. the incredible places i've been, seen and experienced. more of an education than any school will ever give me.
16)mme. sellack. helpful and zealous. always willing to do anything for you.
17)Canada. being a part of a country that believes every person, no matter sexual preference, has the right to marriage. a country that has universal health care --firming the sentiment that everyone has the right to aquire good health. a country that provides cheap day care to low income families. a country that believes in the fragility of the environment, and tries to reform its way. a country that doesnt elect crazy religous right wing yahoos (and we have our fair share)
18)giant tiger and market fresh. ok food for VERY VERY CHEAP. (and yay to siobhan for making me go)
19)music. food for the soul.
20)christmas. the best time of the year. filled with happiness and good cheer.
21)emails. easy correspondance.
22)writing. my expresson essential to my survival. imperative, infact. the magic of watching pen ink on paper transform into an art.
23)impressionist art. my favourite. life shown accuratly, not with straight lines, but rather with blurry edges.
24)freedom. water. food. shelter. those essentials which we take for granted everyday.
25)balnkets. to wrap up in. almost like being back in the womb. providing a sense of safety.
26)photography. so much expressed ina single shot of life. they are what marks life. keeps our memories present in a life that goes by all too quickly.

more then i can put here on this page.
........

i just dont want to stop writing. i wish my pen would flow continually with beautiful thoughts and words and perfect essays of thought.
i wonder...hope that journalism is in fact the end of the line, school wise. this is what i want, to write... provide a voice for those without one.

........
you know, i think a reason ben was so attractive to me was because he made me feel inspirational. like a Muse. like i was so incredible that i moved him into creating beauty with his art.

once moose told me that i was the kind of woman men fought wars for, scaled mountains for, built castles for.
which...is a huge lie. im nothing special, in reality.

........
my mother tempts me with offers of humanity. she thinks i should work for l'arche. which is an organisation started by vanier here in france for mentally handicapped adults. she thinks i should go to haiti and work with orphans. both offers are do-able. she has the connections. i feel so much more passionatly about those situations then about school. school is a neccessary evil to pass through to obtain a degree --which is critical in today's world. but l'arche or hatiti...those are real. they are life. they make me feel like my heart is filled...like i'd have a purpose.

......
im confused about myself. i never make decisions, because im constantly terrified that i will certainly make the wrong one. much like how i always pick the wrong line at the store/mcDicks/movies

............
the other night we went to a christmas party at my dad's ambassador's place. there were lots of people there with kids. made mt hink of having a baby. wanting a baby, actually. i know, a stupid time and completly unacceptable. but still...dreaming of being a mom.

......
somtimes i look at the beauty that is paris and convince myself that i simply will not leave. but, but there's beauty at home, too. a different beauty, but beauty nonetheless.


katie

10:24AM - god talk

it's sunday morning. 9:45am, to be precise. and the apartment here in paris, is empty. i woke up to it being empty. its.... creepily, awfully quiet. i hate this kind of quiet. at home i live on one of the most main roads in ottawa, there's always traffic...and drunk people, and buses and fire trucks and ... everything else.

so no one's here,and i cant stand the quiet. so i've turned on a dvd, and am not exactly really paying attention, buti need the sound. something to fill the space. especially since i've been particularly creeped out after robert made me watch this korean horror movie with him a few nights ago.

a tale of two sisters.

dont see it. it's way to fucking weird.

we decorated our christmas tree last night. i love the christmas tree, it's my favourite part of christmas. i love that the decorations are all so personal, and tell their own story. i mean, of course, we have the obligatry normal ordinary christmas balls....but there are ones from india, three different white house christmas ones, a kennedy center ornament.

there's one from dover castle in england, and one from the tower of london.

there's the ones robert and i made when we were younger. horrendous bright blue ornaments with our names written in silver glitter. or one with a cut out of santa pasted onto a piece of red paper, with my name on the back

there's a bathtub ornament that our jewish friends gave to us. the blue hippo from the metropolitain museum in nyc.

and then, of course, there's the top of the tree. it's the angel gabriel, holding a cloth that reads 'in excelcies deo'. it's from my mom's family. i have no idea how old it is. older then my mom, at least (which i suppose i shouldnt REALLY divulge.... but...54)

yesterday my mom started a god conversation with me. which...i think we know is something that never really ends well. she's a big god fan...and i, well i suppose im just a skeptic. its not that i dnt want to believe in god, but really...everyone always says how god is with them, and helps them, and protects them, and in the bad times, they feel god all around them.and i tried. really. in all those bad times....i tried.

looked for him, talked to the air thinking he'd hear me, begged him to help me....because all the pain was much much too hard to handle.

but no god has ever appeared. to love me, or take care of me, or makeany of it any less painful.

which then makes me wonder...am i so far gone that god doesnt even want to love me?...like...what is so bad about me that i cannot get that connection that so many other people seem to make?

on the other hand, i dont want to have the same god as other people. jerry fallwell's god? nope. not me, certainly not for me. keep that away from me, thanks very much. that guy who was elected govenor in oklahoma (excecuting doctors who perform abortions?...only letting girls go to the bathroom one at a time in high schools because lesbianism is 'rampant'?) i dont want his god either. no thanks.

plus...i have seen too much, you know? lived around so many religions and cultures, and thoughts and beliefs and ideas. who am i to say which one is THE one, and that everyone else is just damned? i cannot possibly pick one religion, because so many make a degree of sense.

maybe i can make my OWN religion, with snippets from everywhere else.

fairly enough, my mom says she doesnt believe that her relgion (anglicanism) is the ONE, and that everyone else is damned. she sort of thinks that as long as you believe, and have a relationship with god, and are filled with all that love stuff...well, then you're pretty safe.

so i told her all this. and she told me about this poem, about this guy who's walking on the beach. and there are two sets of footprints in the sad, his, and god's. showing how god walks with him through life. and the man says to god how he's seen god walk with him through life, and helped him along the way. and yet, at the times when it's been the hardest for him, there has only been one set of footprints. and god says to the man, that during that difficult time, when there is only one set of footprints...that was when 'i was carrying you'

which...kinda hits that part in the throat that makes you choke up, and you dont really know how to respond.

and yet it's also somewhat hokey, if you look at it the right way.

so im left still not really knowing. i wish i could have that connection with god that so many people seem to have. and that connection seems to make their lives fuller, andh appier...and that's great.

but i dont have that.

maybe i should wait, and it will happen.

i dunno. we'll see. we'll see.

katie

12:23AM

awww..
i stole this one from dev

Love by ruby mae
Your name
Your partner
You two are	Soulmates
Your meeting was by	Destiny
They are your	Hero
You are their	Soulmate
Your love will	Be unconditional
Quiz created with MemeGen!

awww...

so im starting to play the christmas music already.
you know imgone down the christmas obesession lane when i start with the music.

i really love christmas. it's totally...my favourite time of the year. i know so many people have such bad connotations with the holidays. but i love it. truely. just time with people i love...snow...christmas trees!
this year,because of exams, I only get to paris on christmas eve...i dont even get to decorate the tree with la familia. which ...makes me sad, because decorating the tree is my absolute favourite part of it all. the four of us are just all together, listening to my hundreds of christmas compilations, makin our tree so purdy.
im the one who picks the tree out every year, too. well, except this year.
these are the times i hate. the times when i realise im growing up, and things are never the same again.

i have no idea what to buy gab for christmas... he's a toughie. he got me a freaking huge TVfor my birthday... and i dont have that kind of money to spend..
so yea, i dunno what to get him... i wanted to get him a pocket watch (cause he really loves pocket watches) and have it engraved and stuff...but the only one i've found is new and not so special. i'd rather save up some funds and buy him an older more special one.
this is going to require hard thinking.

im buying andrea a cigarette case, and imgoing to engrave her name in it, or something. it's something she'll love...
siobhan's getting the first season of the OC on DVD. but she already knows it. we discussed it all : P
meara's getting a bunch of body shop papaya stuff. which i hope will be a hit.
as far as the family. im not sure yet. i think im going to purchase my brother the Jon Stewart book...cause he loves jon stewart.i just hope he hasnt bought it already. my dad will probably end up with a historical book of some kind...because i have no clue what else to get him. and my mom... well there's always a ton of choices what to get her. she's the easiest.

my favourite christmas song is 'have yourself a merry little christmas', especially when luthur vandross sings it. it makes my heart melt. i freaking cry. its when itgets to thepart when he sings
'through the years/we all will be together/if the fates allow'
i dunno. it just makes me think of so many people who are no longer a part of my life. who i moved away from, or lost or...anything. itmakes me cry like a little girl.

lord i love christmas.

i love christmas
and i miss you.

goodnight

12:21PM

i keep trying to write something.
something...im tryingto communicate, from the bottom of me.
but its stuck,and wont come out.

im feeling nostalgic today.

thinking of afternoons playing millionaire on computers at school
and laying out on the soccer field.

and missing them.
so very, very much.

its like knowing something is missing. and at the same time...knowing nothing will ever fill that missing piece.
like a heartache that refuses to heal.

im stuck there today.
missing them.

thinking of true...
friendships.
i found.
inplaces i didnt think i would ever find them.

and wishing i had the words to make any of it right, again.

in times like these
in times like those
what will be, will be
and so it goes
and it always goes
on and on and on and on and on
on and on and on and on and on it goes

and there's always been
laughing, crying
birth and dying
boys and girls with hearts that take
and give and break
heal and grow
and recreate
and raise and nurture

but then hurt from time to
times like these
in times like those
what will be, will be
and so it goes
and they will always be
stop and go
and fast and slow
action, reaction

and sticks and stones and broken bones
those for peace
and those for war
god bless these ones, not those ones
but these ones made

times like these
and times like those
what will be, will be
and so it goes
and it always goes
on and on and on and on and on
on and on and on and on and on it goes

somehow i know it wont be the same
and somehow i know it wont ever be the same
--jack johnson

9:59AM

this is a journal entry moby posted on his website:

'dear canada,
now, more than ever, your neighbor to the south(aka-the blue states)needs you. most of us living in the northern and western parts of the united states don't feel very connected to the rest of the u.s, so can we bring our states and become part of canada?
we have a lot of money and some interesting cities and we promise not to be too much trouble.
the benefits to you:
a-in one fell swoop you can have southern california and new york city! surfing in canada! suddenly the u.n is on canadian soil! broadway is suddenly in canada! you could then say that canada is the birthplace of jazz and hip-hop!
b-money. cold hard cash. the red states in the u.s might have the voting power, but guess who has the money? yup, your friendly neighborhood blue states.
so when/if you accept our offer you will instantly become the richest country in the world! that sounds pretty good, right?
c-karma. accepting this offer will give you more good karma than you'd know what to do with(because you would instantly make 120 million people VERY happy).
so you get warm beaches, tons of cash, and good karma. who can say no to that?
please let us know if you accept the offer. given our enthusiasm to join canada it's safe to say that the details of the offer could probably be worked out in an afternoon.
thank you very much,
moby
p.s-just to put your minds at ease, we do know that we can't bring our assault weapons with us.'


as official representative of canada (*ahem*)...i say come on in!...
all youblue states are certainly welcome here in the land of universal health care. oh, and if some of you from red states think you wanna hop over the border...we love you too

:P

3:40PM - bush wins

from a canadian point of view. this is shitty. damn bush. he's gonna be the downfall of all of us. yucky.

9:28AM

yea ok so i never write.
and i've been horrible with notes. i read you all,all the time. i just...
dont have the time or ...whatever.
im sorry
im a badperson.
it's true.

so whats been going on with me...lemme see

my birthday was fun.
siobhan bought me the unfaithful dvd. which is fantabulous, because that movie is fuckin great.
and later that day gab and i went to the mall, and what did we find in HMV?... REISSUED DVD'S OF 'RAW'!!! the eddie murphy stand up movie.
which i love
cause we used to watch the tape (which franco lost) whenver we were high. so yea, gab bought me that. which made my birthday. also...purchased a reissue of charlie and the chocolate factory, and love actually.
meara bought me a really pretty new paper journal. its really nice.
andrea bought me a new tattoo! whichi got on friday, its the OM symbol, on my right forearm
gab bought me a 27inch tv (and stand!) its so nice.
we call it magnificent marcus (but i think i wrote about that in the last entry...)

so saturday gab, andrea, siobhan and i went to the hershey chocolate factory, which is always good times. and later that night gab, andrea, siobhan, annicka, fred and i went to the duke of somerset for kareoke : )
which is just...whew...too much fun to handle.
siobhan annicka and i sang 'locomotion', and then andrea joined us a couple songs later for 'touch myself'
safe to say we were awful
but meh
it was still fun.

and now i have to call the doctor. last night i found a bump on the side of my breast...well, armpit area, really. is about the size of a nickle.
and thats kinda scary. and i know its probably nothing. i mean..the odds of a 21 year old getting breast cancer is tiny, but still, right?
i mean, my imagination is much too over active.
but yea
to the doctor.
get it checked out..

so yea, gonna go do that now
love you kiddies
sorry for my lack of communication withyou all.
its justnot itw.

katie

8:05AM - my birthday early!

ugh
im hating LJ
well not that im hating it, per se...
but i am missing itw. and how great that was. and how good it was with all the people and...
and now im just missing everyone. and it doesnt feel right.

and i havent written in forever, because i come here, and i just.. nothing comes out.

last weekend was thanksgiving. gab's mom invited me over, so like a good girlfriend of the son...i went.(oh oh oh i had other offers, lemme tell you...)
honestly it was the worst thanksgiving dinner i've ever been to. and i feel horrible saying that, but its true. and by that, i mean...food wise. but hell -- that's what thanksgiving is all about. there was turkey, mushroom soup, and rice.....

but i every year i usually eat at susan's (mom's best friend) who makes like piles on piles of food. turkey,gravy(the most important part) stuffing, 2 different kinds of potatoes, green beans, carrots, salad, cranberries, etc. oh, and the best kosher pumpkin pie you will ever put in your mouth.

so...i was sitting there silently feeling that i wished ihad gone to susan's...
and then i felt like a bitch.
a very very big bitch
for desert his mom pulled out a birthday cake, and a big basket of presents for me.
now...my birthday isnt until the 19th ... it was very cute.
i got champagne glasses, body lotions, aromatherapy stuff, etc.
and then gab pulls out his present...

....
are you ready?

a fucking 27inch TV. i shit younot. a huge ... double the size of my old tv... tv.
and the next day we went out together and picked out a TV stand.
who knew tv stands were so expensive?
he literally spent like $500 on my birthday.

yea
yea i dont deserve all that. and then he had this funny look on his face as we were leaving the store where we bought the tv stand --and i thought he was regretting it all
and i felt horrible
and asked him to please just return it all, that it was way too much

and he said no, of course not! that's not what was bothering him.
what was bothering him was that he didnt think the TV stand would be so expensive --he had put that extra money away to buy me a small sound system for the tv that he'd surprise me with on my actual birthday.

too much eh?
yea, way too much.

oh, and last week my mom was in town, she gave me the gifts from my parents.
so
i got
1. a pretty pink guess watch
2. clothes which we went shopping for
3. a $2,100 savings bond (she said $100 for every year i've been alive)
4 a little portable ...WASHING MACHINE!...yes ladies and gentlemen, i have a washing machine...which is arriving IN MY HOME in 15 minutes.
i am so excited
i could pee my pants.

oh, and i know.
im disgustingly spoiled.
it's true.

but at least i know it, right?

the thing is...that my parents have this guilt complex. about never being there when i was little...about nannies raising me...my dad feels super guilty cause when james died, he didnt know how to react, or how to treat me...so ... he ignored it all
so yea
they have these guilt complexes and... iget things out of it.
honestly, i didnt ask for any of that stuff
they offered it.
but im not going to turn it down, am i?

ummm..what else
the laptop officially died a couple nights ago. just..dead, over, done, caput.
gab brought over an older computer he keeps, but doesnt use.
im going to be looking for a new one.

ummm... and nw i have to wait for the delivery men...
love you kiddies!
and i miss you all..

katie

5:20PM - I still find peices of your presence here

aye. the last few days have been...insanity.
sunday morning my mom and i were at brunch at a friends house... it should be said, btw, that my mom is a klutz. she once fell and tore her shoulder up when simply walking down a sidewalk.
anywho
we were leaving the house, and my mom missed a step, went flying...and broke her wrist.
so we rushed over to the hospital.
she was actually seen by the triage nurse quite soon, and he gave her a sling, and some ice

....

3 hours later, we're called to go into a room

....

6 hours later the orthopedic surgeon resident has told my mom that she's broken the wrist so oddly, that she will probably need surgery to fix it. (she's broken the same wrist twice before)

....

8 hours later the ortho guy has managed to set the wrist into place (he said he had horse shoes coming out of his ass that day...)
and she's got this huge cast that goes up her forearm, and past her elbow

.....

9 hours later...we finally leave.

it was
a
long
fucking
day.

i've been staying with her at her hotel, because she needs someone taking care of her. she cant take a shower with out my help...cant get dressed...cant pour coffe...cant pop her painkillers out of their wrapping with out my help.
thankfully her best friend susan was with me sunday -- so i had help getting through that day. it was emotional, and fucking exhausting.

so basically i've been running between the hotel and school the past couple days.
she isnt allowed to fly until thursday, so she rebooked her ticket for then.
so i'll be with her til then.

---

i know i havent noted you all - im very sorry! but i havent had much time! but you know i love you all...

its very hard to type this. it's turned cold here in o-town, the apartment is quite ...freezing. we dont control the heat inthe building, so we just have to wait and ...wait..for paul to fix things.

---

the last entry wasnt about gab.
he met my mom, and she likes him, and that's ok and all
but he's quiet and shy around her.
very.
it's weird.
i suppose the thingis...
is that i've always been more comfortable around 'older' people... i make friends with adults SO much quicker then with people my own age (who usually dont warm up to me so much...)
and gab seems...awkward around adults
and i..
i almost dont like who he is around adults
its like i had to really fill in all the conversation. my mom would ask all sorts of questions, trying to get to know him...
and it was like he would give just the very base answers.he could elaborate SO much more, but no...its always just 3 or 4 word answers.

and he's been...
super needy lately.
constantly needing hugs and kisses...and having me right near...
he's been all whiny about the fact that we havent really spent a lot of time together since friday
well
fuck
my mom needs me.
im not just gonna run off...

so
yea
i dunno. im sure this is just a phase, and i'll feel better abut him (us) soon...
but im just...
gah i dunno
not...attracted...to who he's being lately.

---

I drink good coffee every morning
comes from a place thats far away
and when i'm done i feel like talking
without you here there is less to say

I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
what is closer to the truth
but if I lived til I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

no longer moved to drink strong whiskey
I shook the hand of time and I knew
that if I lived til I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

Face that dances and it haunts me
with laughter still ringin in my ears
I still find peices of your presence here
Even even after all these years

I don't want you thinkin that I don't get asked to dinner
cuz I'm here to say that I sometimes do
and even though I may seem like I'm down
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

If I live til I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
--colin hay band

its just a pretty song
from a kick ass movie (garden state)

---

anyways...i gotta get back to the hotel
love you kiddies, hope you're all doing well

MWAH

katie

11:57PM - what a thing to choose/this one's gonna bruise

i guess
i guess the thing is ...is that i've never been enough. or, or that im not what you wanted, or that im not them.
i guess the thing is
i feel
replaced.

my part in your heart has grown over with somebody else's name.

and every moment i feel my heart
twist
and turn
and ache
and break.

i guess the thing is...
is the pattern forming in my life.
and maybe nobody else even notices but...

but today
tonight
i'd like to run away.
start anew. start again. from the beginning. rewind time and take it from the top.
because maybe this time i can be different.
better.
who they wish i was.

today
tonight
i am a sad song.
the kind that has that soft slow hook
with the notes that make your soul hurt
with a voice that makes you want to cry.

---

Do you even know what goes on in a heart anymore?
Constellations turned into little polaroids in a cardboard box
And I wanted so desperately to prove
You were still breathing
But you wouldn't move

Okay
Okay
What a thing to choose
This one's gonna bruise

You'll learn one day, won't you?
What you want's bad for the souls
Lost out in the rain
Afraid of the dark
Still in pain
Still in pain

Did you even notice how the wind
Didn't change that much?
Fluctuations on these sheets
That you moved to be sure it was us
And I wanted so desperately to say
That you could trust me, but I was lying anyway

Okay
Okay
What a thing to lose
Left out in the rain
Misused

You'll learn one day, won't you?
You'll learn some day, won't you?

What you had
Was good for a while
Then it changed
Got too intense
And that is strange

And I feel bad for you
I feel bad for you
And I don't know why
I don't know why
'Cause I'm as dead as you
--beth orton

---

it leaves the heart empty
and hollow
and

and like im lost.
these things
and places
and people
i've had for...so long

seem to dwindle and disappear from my sight. second by second they're gone.

and i'm finding myself alone
far too often

things used to be different.
i used to be someone
the someone

and now?

now
im just
nothing

10:35AM - you could say i'm hard to hold

i have my very first university test today. in philosophy : (
in other words...vomit. i hate hate hate hate philosophy!!! it drives me up the fuckin wall. so yea, the test is in 2 hours and 20 minutes.

blah!blah to philosophy. blah to tests.

in other news...my mommy is in town! well, her flight gets in round 4pm. she's here on business, but i get mommy time this weekend. she's going to take my shopping tomorrow -- AND

here's the big and.

she meets gab tomorrow. yep...the mom and the boyfriend are meeting.
im pretty excited, i think she's going to like him. so that's fabulous.

i feel like i have SO much to write about...and yet nothing to write about. im at a bit of a loss. i just keep trying to find itwer's on this thing...the itwrefugee msg board is pretty good for that...finding people, that is.
and im SO GLAD for people i have found. but...it just feels like its missing many peoples.

oh well.
positive attitudes. stiff upper lip. all that.

---

I’ve got money in my pocket
I like the color of my hair
I’ve got a friend who loves me
Got a house, I’ve got a car
I’ve got a good mother
and her voice is what keeps me here

Feet on ground
Heart in hand
Facing forward
Be yourself
I’ve never wanted anything
No I’ve, no I’ve, I’ve never wanted anything
so bad...so bad

Cardboard masks of all the people
I’ve been
thrown out with all the rusted, tangled
dented God Damned miseries
You could say I’m hard to hold
But if you knew me you’d know
I’ve got a good father
And his strength is what makes me cry

Feet on ground
Heart in hand
Facing forward
Be yourself
I’ve never wanted anything
No I’ve, no I’ve, I’ve never
wanted anything so bad...
so bad

I’ve got money in my pocket
I like the color of my hair
I’ve got a friend who loves me
Got a house, I’ve got a car
I’ve got a good mother
and her voice is what keeps me here

Feet on ground
Heart in hand
Facing forward
Be yourself

Heart in hand
Feet on ground
Facing forward
Be yourself
just be yourself
just be yourself

Feet on ground
Heart in hand
Feet on ground
Heart in hand
--jann arden

---

well kiddies, im out
missin you all

katie

10:59AM

well
looks like im here. i hate not having itw...it really blows. no other diary site really compares to how easy itw was (is?)...
but i need to write somewhere...so iguess it shall be here.
but im not happy about it!
its missing...all the good peoples

ah well. shit happens, right?

i suppose i will return, when i actually have something to say.

later kiddies

katie